Self-Image

A gorgeous and rather svelte friend of mine recently updated her status on Facebook mentioning how a sales associate at a retail store made a snide comment to her regarding the sizes of the clothes she was looking at. This comment struck a particularly prominent female nerve. The status reminded me of my own encounter with an insensitive retail employee and the wonderful sales associate that helped me find my wedding dress.

At the beginning of this year, my fiance and I sat down and discussed our plans to get married. Previously, I had always assumed that we would wait until I was out of pharmacy school before we got married. I thought it would be better to wait until I had a job and was making an income. Ben had just gotten a great new job, however, and he was confident that he would be able to save up enough money by winter break. All of a sudden, wedding plans were in motion.

A couple of months later, in March, my mom came down. We were in full dress-finding mode and were so very excited. I had been looking at magazines and picking out design elements I liked and didn't like. I had an idea about the dress that I wanted and it involved lace. Other than that, I was completely open and completely excited to try on some beautiful dresses.

My mom knew that we were the ones in charge of paying for our wedding, but she had been saving up for a while with the intent to one day buy me my wedding dress. Despite how much she had saved, I didn't want to just go out with the purpose of buying an expensive dress. Having never gone to a wedding dress shop before, I naively wanted to try an inexpensive place first. Mind you, I also made an appointment at a Houston-area boutique for the next day just in case.

We showed up at the inexpensive store, and filled out a questionnaire. A sales associate soon came over to help us out. I told her my size, which was the size that I bought most of my clothes in. Then, it was a size 12-14. We walked through the aisles of dresses and I picked out a couple of dresses that we liked. She led me to a dressing room and we began the process of trying to get into one of them.

It soon became apparent that I was no where near a 12-14 dress at that store. Instead of addressing the delicate, and embarrassing, matter in a professional way she bluntly stated, "You're no 12. You're a 16."

Those two short sentences quite literally changed my life. I have never been so mortified in my life then I was standing in that rickity dressing room. I was sweaty from being under what felt like forty layers of unbreathable fabric. I was absolutely miserable and wanted to cry. It didn't help that the sales associate was 5'3" and weighed 100 pounds at the most. I put my clothes back on, and made the walk of shame back out to the racks to look at the larger sizes. I noticed that, while there were yards and yards of dresses lined up in smaller sizes, there was a section smaller than my closet for size 16. My closet is pretty small.

I decided to put a stop to it right there and then.

"I don't really see anything I like right now," I said quietly, trying not to make it obvious I was distraught. She assured me that the stock changed often and that I could check back soon, since my wedding was so far in the future. I nodded and hightailed it out of the store.

My mom, of course, could tell something was wrong. I told her what happened and she was quiet as we walked across the parking lot to the Jack in the Box to get something to eat for lunch. The last thing I wanted at that particular moment was to eat.

"She shouldn't have said it like that," my mom eventually said. It didn't matter, though. The damage was done. I picked at my food and told her I didn't want to do any more shopping that day. I didn't. I felt ugly, unattractive, and completely undeserving of a beautiful gown.

Conversation was very sparse for the rest of the day. My mind was racing. I could not let that happen to me again, I decided. I had always wanted to buy beautiful outfits made by designers, but they never went up above an 8 or a 10. I was sick of it, and to think that I wasn't even a 12 like I had previously thought, but a 16.

I thought about Ben's mother, who had recently joined Weight Watchers and been incredibly successful. She looked amazing and the system made sense to me. Watch and track what you eat, be more active, and the weight will come off. I went online and read over the website.

"I'm joining Weight Watchers," I stated. After all, I had close to a year to get the weight off. I felt better already because I was taking charge. I got out my credit card and signed up. I read all the articles I could that night. While I was still smarting, I felt better. My mom and I decided that since my appointment at the boutique was so late in the afternoon, we would go to the Galleria and see what we could find. I had convinced myself that maybe a simple white or ivory dress would do, since it was going to be outdoors.

The next day, something serendipitous happened. Our plan was to park at the Nordstrom parking garage and go to Nordstrom and Macy's before my appointment. We exited on Westheimer and, as we had always done before, made the u-turn and traveled down the frontage road to that right turn. This time, however, they had put up some new lane barriers that kept us from being able to get over and reach the parking garage we were trying to get to. We were forced to take a left. We had to loop back around and eventually parked in an entirely different parking garage.

The entrance we entered the mall at was on the opposite end of the mall, and very near Saks Fifth Avenue. I knew Saks had some wonderful clothes, and even though I was doubtful I would find anything in my size, I decided to stop by and check. I was also aware that they had a bridal boutique there as well. When I was younger, visiting the Dallas Galleria, I had always looked in at it and admired the beautiful women on the pedestal. We glanced at the dresses in the dress sections and I snuck over to where the bridal boutique had been.

To my surprise they had rows and rows of wedding dresses set out on temporary racks all the way down the aisle in front of the boutique. A passing sales associate told me they were selling their samples because the Bridal suite was being closed.

"We've had some girls in here who aren't even engaged buy dresses because the deals are so good," she told me.

My heart soared, but I tried to quell my excitement. The dresses were all gorgeous, but in case you weren't aware, samples of wedding dresses are often in sizes 8 or 10. I was doubtful, but I began to search through the hundred or so dresses they had stuffed on those racks. I saw the sales associate from the Bridal boutique come out from the dressing room to answer the ringing phone. She saw me and waved. I smiled and continued to look through the racks.

When she finished with her call, she came up to me and asked if there was anything she could help me with.

"Oh, I don't think I could fit into any of these," I said, attempting to make it jokingly. "I am just admiring how beautiful they all are."

She seemed a little perplexed and nodded. "Just let me know if I can help with anything."

"I will!" She popped off and I continued to look, truly enjoying some of the amazing details on the luxurious designer gowns. I couldn't even begin to think that I would be able to have any of them, but I thought it couldn't hurt to look and see things I did and didn't like in real life instead of on the pages of a magazine.

My mom was nearby looking at a few of the dresses I had pointed out that I liked, when the lady returned.

"Are you sure there isn't anything I can help you with? We have a few dresses I think you would fit in, just by looking at you. What size do you wear?"

I told her I wore a 12, but that recently I had tried on dresses and was told I was a 16. She nodded and said that wedding dresses often ran very small, but she was confident that she had a dress I could at least try on for fun. She pulled it out and let me look at it. It was not a dress I would have ever worn-- it had a sleek satin top, but a massive amount of ruffled tulle at the bottom. She must have seen the trepidation and disappointment in my face.

"What were you thinking of for your wedding?" she asked. I told her that it was in Hawaii and the fluffy poof at the bottom really wasn't what I had envisioned. I also told her I had really had my heart set on lace. I could tell she was thinking hard for a moment before she 'ah-hahed'.

"I have the perfect dress, and I think we can get you into it." She walked to the rack, reached into a section of dresses I was sure I had already rifled through, and pulled out the most beautiful and perfect dress I had ever seen. A dress I hadn't seen while flicking through them. How had I missed it?

"I'll never fit in it," I said instantly, my eyes wide and my heart beating. It was too beautiful, sleek, and a gorgeous ivory color with a white lace overlay. The effect was stunning.

"You'd be surprised," she said with a smile. "The netting stretches, and the fabric beneath is incredible. C'mon, you're not that big. Let's try it on."

I was almost too afraid to agree. I didn't want to feel like I had the day before when the zipper wouldn't go up. The dress was too perfect, though. I had to at least try. My mom was excited as well, and took a seat in one of the chairs inside the suite.

I undressed, still self-conscious as she helped me into the dress. I was still adoring it, wanting so much for it to fit. I knew it was going to be close. I took a deep breath, blew it out, and held it as she started to attach the hooks and pull up the zipper.

I did my best not to breathe. She pulled and tugged, and inch by inch the zipper climbed higher.

"It's really not as bad as it seems," she assured me. "I just have arthritis."

And then it was up. The zipper had reached its zenith and I was, albeit very snuggly, inside the very perfect dress.

"It's perfect," I breathed. I was beaming. We walked out of the dressing room to where my mom was sitting and she lit up. I was smiling so hard my face was starting to hurt and my eyes were beginning to moisten. I got up on the pedestal and turned, admiring the dress from every angle I could. I felt so beautiful. Such a stark contrast from the day before.

"I think this is the one," my mom said.

"I think so," I replied. I called and canceled my appointment at the boutique as my mom completed the purchase.

It's amazing the difference between the two women. I know the sales associate at the inexpensive store probably did not mean to offend me like she did. There was no way she could have had the sales experience that the lovely lady at Saks did. The lady at Saks must have known every single dress in her boutique to have pulled out the dress she did. She didn't just help me find the perfect dress, but she made me feel beautiful again.

Honestly though, I have to thank that girl at the inexpensive store, because she honestly helped me. Weight Watchers really has changed my life. I have lost weight, found out the correct amount of food to eat, and, on the way, worked toward living a healthy lifestyle. Ben and I love jogging together, and have reached the point where we can jog and hold great conversations. I feel better about myself than I ever have. I know that I am going to have the most beautiful wedding photos in the most beautiful wedding dress.

I suppose what I was trying to do with this post was to share one of my favorite stories and express how the little things that happen to us can change us forever. Not that my friend needs to change. That was just a shitty sales associate.

We all struggle with our self image. As many people argue, we are surrounded by media that puts an incredible amount of pressure on both men and women. On the other hand, our society is moving ever farther away from healthy habits. I have recently found a great blog-spot that shares great, uplifting, and inspiring stories about leading a healthy lifestyle. I found it on CNN after reading about a story about eating disorders, but I enjoy it from my point of view as well. Give it a read, if you are looking for inspiration to change your self-image and/or lifestyle:

http://www.neversaydiet.com/